We believe in UFOS and aliens and we respect them.

We don't want to get probed.

Retro Texas is the "Boys Town" of toys. Whenever a toy misbehaves, they are brought here. We try to sell them so we can make back the money we lost in caring for them. Whenever their behavior is too much and we can't handle them, we will humiliate them by taking a picture of them and stating what they did on the description. We will then sell the picture as an e-mail attachment and give you guaranteed 100% feedback and we expect the same from you because we do suffer a lot with these toys.

The Vlasike Stork you see before you to the right came to us looking for Bob Saget. Please read his sad story.

Or, if you like crime, read "Snapped, the Rice Krispy Bitch" and see how Snapped killed his two friends in cold blood.

We also sell lots of candies. Why? Because when we were little, our parent's refused to buy us candies when we asked for them and when we grew up, we vowed to buy everything our parent's denied us. So as you can see, we sell retro candies and international candies as well. We also sell foods that we love so much and we want you to enjoy what we enjoy. Make a stand and start buying all the stuff your parent's denied you. Then after you do just pass by their house in your moped and honk once.

SORRY AND A MILLION APOLOGIES BEFORE WE MAKE THE FOLLOWING STATEMENT: WE ALSO SELL ADULT TOYS AND MATERIALS. THERE. WE SAID IT!